CONFESSIONS OF A STARBUCKS PASTOR

For the past four and half years, I have been a mental health practitioner. That means I work for agencies that hire people to go into people's homes and provide skill services to various family members. The skills are medically approved necessities in order for them to function in every day life. The skills are needed for a number of reasons: perhaps there is a mental illness, disability or handicap. Perhaps someone is living with PTSD or the physical limitations following an accident. Perhaps a parent needs to learn how to parent a special needs child. Or, a special needs child needs to become competent in basic skills. Some people are in transition from homelessness to independent living. These are just a sampling of reasons why this form of care is provided. The good news for clients is that 100% of this care is covered by state insurance plans and top-notch agencies only hire people who are pursuing or already have their masters degree.  The client is getting a pro. If yo...

There was a cop show on TV when I was a kid called Dragnet . The main cop did not display any emotion as he walked the audience through re-enactments of a real LAPD crime. His face was neutral. When the interview subjects started to ramble, he would dryly state, "Just the facts, ma'am." In my master's work in mental health, I am obtaining additional training and certification so that I can provide the best care possible once I am set loose. My most recent certification focused on the facts as a method for de-escalating a mind gone wild with anxiety. Here's how it works in the most basic manner. There needs to be a balance between thinking about the reasoning and being totally emotional. Somewhere in the middle lies the goal to aim for when trying to live wisely . When you get overloaded on either side, you lose perspective and anxiety triggers. Are you with me so far? Good. We aim to keep things in control. So, how does that work, you ask? When you fir...

I dare you to find out if you attached in an optimal manner with your primary caregiver as a wee little ga-ga-goo-goo. Oh no, you might groan. She's gonna "therapize" us because she is so fixated on her grad program! Naw. I just want to share key things that light up my brain as I bumble along. I promise I won't use big words because I don't like them anyway. The big "a-ha" for me this moment is how we connected with our primary caregivers. For sake of brevity, I will refer to that person as a mother simply because in most cultures, that is in fact the case. Did you know that from birth, the way your mother reacts with you forms your personhood? The way you think about yourself? The way you interact with others? How you feel? No wonder the ancient psychologists used to "blame it on the mother". What I didn't know is that there is science behind it, and it's pretty simple. If you were blessed to have someone who oohed and ...

As part of course requirements to obtain a masters in marriage and family therapy in my graduate school program, we have to show how we integrate our faith into what we are learning. Woven into this aspect this semester, we are asked to keep a journal about what we notice. We are practicing not bringing in judgements. Judgements, you say? I am not judging anyone! HA! This will be a piece of cake for me!  I have learned not to celebrate so quickly. It's broader than that. And not only aren't we supposed to judge, we are supposed to remain fully present without inserting our judgment. And no, that doesn't mean to sit on your hands like in the final round on the Pyramid game show. Judgement also relates to our pre-conceived notions that are such a part of us we don't even stop to realize we have them. They are based on our personal experience. When my girl was 2, we were having burgers in a fast food chain. She looked around and gasped, "Mommy!! Those people fo...

I was on staff as an associate pastor (for children and families) at more than 5 churches over a 17-year period. It was really 6 churches but since that experience was so short and toxic, it doesn't merit a blink on my resume. In-between the actual positions, I was interviewed by even more churches before making a decision to join a team. Even though I no longer work in that venue, I think some of my before-hire, before-you-decide observations can be really helpful for others in this venue especially because they are things I've mulled over, learned from and sometimes missed. If you are in the exciting mode of looking for a church staff position, here are few things I would tell myself (and now you) to consider: Remember to ask, listen hard and observe carefully. You are interviewing them, too and this isn't like any other job - it will involve your entire family even if you are the only one being paid. 1. Remove the stars from your eyes about "doing the Lord...