A New Page

For the past four and half years, I have been a mental health practitioner. That means I work for agencies that hire people to go into people's homes and provide skill services to various family members. The skills are medically approved necessities in order for them to function in every day life. The skills are needed for a number of reasons: perhaps there is a mental illness, disability or handicap. Perhaps someone is living with PTSD or the physical limitations following an accident. Perhaps a parent needs to learn how to parent a special needs child. Or, a special needs child needs to become competent in basic skills. Some people are in transition from homelessness to independent living. These are just a sampling of reasons why this form of care is provided.

The good news for clients is that 100% of this care is covered by state insurance plans and top-notch agencies only hire people who are pursuing or already have their masters degree.  The client is getting a pro. If you talked to any one of my clients, they will tell you they got someone who cared enough to go the extra mile. I only closed the files on clients when it appeared I cared more about their lives than they did.

The not-so-good news for therapists is that since these services are free to the client, sometimes they lack motivation to participate in their care or are careless about their services. Like cancelling or not being home when they arrive. Home-based therapists are also required to bill a certain number of hours per week, and the pressure always looms. I get a lot of cancellations from my kid clients because they get sick. Although not a problem for me personally, my my agencies grimace and blame me.

In the past four and a half years, I have been fortunate enough to experience sides of lives I doubt I would have ever come in contact with. People who live in group homes because they cannot function safely on their own. People who were homeless or in transition. People in parts of the city where gunfire and drug deals are just across the street. People who think it is reasonable to close, tape and seal every window in the house while owning five pets and not taking care of their elimination much less dishes. People who do not smell their odor. People so rooted in bitterness that 20 year-ago hurts are present-day rumination. People who refuse to care for themselves. People using me during probation to show the judge they are responsible and disappear once probation is lifted. People using the system so they have extra gambling and tattoo cash. People who need someone to listen to them. People who are eager to be less anxious. People who feel judged and alone. People who feel hopeless. People who are not aware of the idea of cleaning up the cat vomit. People who do not know what they don't know. People without self-control or a moral compass. People so affected by their early childhood that they must work very hard to overcome what they learned. People who need help in every area of their life. People who need someone with them every waking hour. People who don't need the help they think they do. People so desperate for companionship they will accept abusive treatment from a family member and lie to you about it.  People who came to this country to start over only to become disabled. People excited to build families, only to learn more than one child has special needs.

Very few of my clients have been greedy, users or liars. But there have been a few. There have also been a few who don't want to see me once I become aware of "their gig". The story they have been presenting so that they get the extra attention, services or strokes. For the most part, my clients have been honorable human beings who need love and support in order to make big changes in the way they live. Most of them have wanted to participate in their services and look forward to seeing me as much as I look forward to seeing them.

Last week I accepted an intern position that will enable me to complete the last year of my MFT program. The hours required to be a successful intern do not line up with a part-time job, and it was also time for me to work in other areas of mental health. So I gave my agency notice and am now making the final rounds with my current clients. Closing my files is going to be bittersweet. I landed a premium internship and am thrilled to be taking the next step in this long-realized dream of becoming a licensed marriage and family therapist. On the other hand, some of these precious faces are going to be hard to say goodbye to.

One major thing will change in my daily life besides the type of work. For four and a half years, I wake up thinking about where I will be that day in order to determine what I will wear and when I will shower. If I go to the rough neighborhood with the piles of mud and unshoveled snow, I don't wear my cute shoes. If I go to the "cat vomit" house, I don't wear clean clothes but do wear sturdy hiking boots. If I go to the house where they keep the heat on Arizona, I don't layer and I take a shower the minute I sweat home. If I meet a kid in school, I dress up. I won't have to be strategic about my showering times nor what I wear anymore unless I'm going camping. I wonder if it will feel different the very first day? I have normalized so much of this for so long it has become second nature.

Another change will be that I am no longer required to know where the good public rest rooms and closest Starbucks are. Believe me, I know every one within a 150 mile radius of my home. I also won't have stop and start days where I go from house to house and drive and drive. I'll drive to one location and stay there all day. What is that like? I've become a good GPS interpreter and back-road finder and traffic pulse adherent. I can reach into my back seat with my long arm and find my Chick-A Boom Popcorn. Oh! All of the cool tote bins with my toys, supplies and games don't need to ride around with me every day anymore, either.

I'm glad I cut some therapy teeth in this fashion and paid these dues. It's been eye-opening and educational. It's also time to go on to the next hardest things. I think anyone who wants to be a talk therapist should experience this therapeutic approach first, though. For this, I am grateful and ready to turn the page.