Just the Facts

There was a cop show on TV when I was a kid called Dragnet. The main cop did not display any emotion as he walked the audience through re-enactments of a real LAPD crime. His face was neutral. When the interview subjects started to ramble, he would dryly state, "Just the facts, ma'am."

In my master's work in mental health, I am obtaining additional training and certification so that I can provide the best care possible once I am set loose. My most recent certification focused on the facts as a method for de-escalating a mind gone wild with anxiety.

Here's how it works in the most basic manner. There needs to be a balance between thinking about the reasoning and being totally emotional. Somewhere in the middle lies the goal to aim for when trying to live wisely. When you get overloaded on either side, you lose perspective and anxiety triggers. Are you with me so far? Good. We aim to keep things in control.

So, how does that work, you ask?

When you first start to flood with anxiety, your mind will start to leap toward horrible conclusions that are not even on the table. Those "what if's" are dangerous because your mind races away, pulling you behind the feeling at 80 mph. You're not the boss of your brain anymore when that happens. Learn to recognize the very beginning of this and call attention to it.

Example:
Your kid's bus is 5 minutes late bringing them home. You immediately fret that the bus got stuck on the train tracks and a racing freighter is imminent. Your baby!! Scream!!! Rather than lather up like that, check your facts. Fact 1. The bus is late. Fact 2. Five minutes late is within reason. Fact 3. What are the circumstances? Weather? Road construction? Talk yourself down calmly. Step out of the anxiety and practice #SquareBreathing or any other deep breathing technique you know. Deep breathing might not work so great in labor, but it actually does work to reduce your anxiety in the moment. Go for 10 sets. As you calm down, you might remember the light is out a few blocks away, or that your phone has the wrong time - or there's weather. Your kid does not ever need to experience your terror like that. You can do this, and you can return order to those horrible thoughts.

Example:
You are waiting for information from your divorce attorney but it hasn't come yet. That is the only fact you really have. If you insert the "what if's", you're going to horribleize yourself into court, bankruptcy, paranoia and/or lose custody. Stop. Immediately. The only fact you have is that you need further information. Waiting is the hardest on anxiety because with all that extra time, we tend to fill in the blanks with all the world's most dreaded outcomes rolled into one, none of which are on our side.

Check your creative thought-wandering at the doorstep of anxiety and do not turn the handle. Stay on the outside by listing your facts, first. Ask yourself "what do I KNOW right now?" And if the anxious thoughts try to seep out under the door, tell yourself you are NOT going to think about emotions just now. When it's time and you have all your information, you can make a longer list of facts and calmly ask yourself how you want to proceed.

Another tip - be careful who you verbalize your anxiety to. The more you repeat the thought - aloud or in your mind - you are reaffirming that thought. Be sure to repeat the thoughts you really want to think. I can handle this. I am working on being calm. I will distract myself right now by learning French. I will exercise. I will trust God. Got the idea? [You can also try Tapping. It's a specific exercise tapping key points on the head and torso to reduce anxiety. Check out Therapyjane.com.]

By separating out the facts, you can gain objectivity to make a rational decision. And if the fact is you still have to wait, you can practice further coping skills knowing that all over the world, others are waiting for further information, too. It is part of our human condition. It's not easy, but it's possible to largely be a Zen waiter, with practice.