CONFESSIONS OF A STARBUCKS PASTOR

When you go online, are you as bombarded as I am with all of the "new" planners and goal-setting journals available this year? It seems like every week an ad targets me about the one I absolutely must have in order to set, monitor and accomplish my goals. (Full disclosure: I recently did purchase a really nifty one, but it wasn't from any ad. It was discovered as I sat next to one of my cohorts and drooled.) Everywhere we look, we are reminded about time. Isn't there a mortgage broker on every corner with a neon sign ticking away the time and temp? Cable shows do countdowns until the next marathon starts. Our smart phones can even tell us to hurry up and read the latest text. Of course there's a clock in the upper right hand corner of our laptops. We really don't need wall clocks anymore.  Well, if you don't watch TV or stare at your phone much, you might. But we really, really don't need watches. They are just bracelets. I stopped wearing a wa...

When my kids were little, I bristled at the use of the single word "Sorry". "I'm sorry" didn't fare much better in my mind. The word "sorry" is just a word . It doesn't take much effort to float it off your tongue. You could replace it with any word - merely puffing out those two syllables doesn't carry sincerity. At least using " I am " in front of the word "sorry" indicates some level of ownership. My preference? "I'm sorry for ________, will you please forgive me?" Something specific is named, and the person is humbled enough to ask for forgiveness from another. The other person is asked to respond. Just blurting out the single word really doesn't take much effort, and the times I have heard people say it, the apologizing person saying it doesn't seem very affected. In my mind, if you are apologizing to someone it should require your concern. Hence, my kids were taught to use my full sentence...

Even if you really are? This is the question at the top of my ponder list lately. It's one thing to argue your point of view. Of course it is different from someone else's. I just hope you have substantial information to back up your thoughts. But what about arguing about the obvious? Today is Wednesday, whether we like it or not. Someone can scream away that it really is Saturday all they want, but the reality is that today truly remains Wednesday. No matter how loud the other person raises their voice or how much they hiss as they "correct" you. To further compound my pondering, I wonder why when some people try to argue against reality I shrug but when other people try the same thing I become hostile? How dare they tell me something that simply is not true?? After all, they were there too and saw the same thing !!! I was just fine when my kids were little. They would claim something (that was incorrect, not an opinion) and I would nonchalantly tell them...

Haven't we all been so desensitized that our hard-earned dollars really don't mean a thing to front line employees that we host a parade when some actually does their job.? We perceive them as amazing when in fact - not too long ago - that would only be considered average in the customer service world. Customer service is not limited to your experience at Target or McDonalds. Customer service is part of every single organization - profit and nonprofit alike. Think about it. The leaders of these organizations want more publicity, attendance or profit. They are always trolling for new hooks to bring in consumers, telling them why they need this experience or ought to make this donation. (Just think about those adopt-an-abused-animal ads with the sad music on TV. If we don't do it, we are selfish and uncaring.) My theory has always been that every experience is a customer service experience . Every single one. And if you do not value the person during that experience, ...

We lost our home about eight years ago and whenever I happen to drive by it, a part of me thinks that if I were to pull in the driveway and go knock on the front door, I will walk in and find all of us still there, our pictures on the wall and something going on in the kitchen as usual. The memories for that home are frozen in time from eight years ago. A few months ago, I had another visit to the past only this time I walked back twenty-six years. In another life I was married with a little girl, went through a tumultuous divorce but remained in contact with my former mother-in-law. I had been part of that family for a decade and my girl was just five when it all came crashing down. Until my girl was senior in high school, I made sure she communicated with her grandma regularly. We sent copies of her art and essays, lots of pictures and each birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas was also recognized. When she was eight, I remarried and my husband adopted her. Grandma was kept...

A therapist once shared with me the formula for a healthy emotional life. A + B = C A is the thing that is happening. B is how I perceive it. C is my response. A cannot be changed. But my C has many options depending on my B . The less value I attach to any B , the calmer I remain and the more focused I can be on the task at hand. If I perceive a B as an affront to me, I will respond subjectively with limited scope. If I perceive a B as horrific, my C may be to freeze in my tracks when I really need to be dialing 9-1-1. The more objective I can be about a B , the healthier my response. I like to tell clients to climb up on an imaginary step ladder and get an overview of the situation from a higher perspective. Get out of the weeds at eye level. What is going on? The less we personalize a B , the less emotional or let down we become. Oh sure, you say. You have no idea what I am going through! You're right. No one but you truly knows that. Because every one ...

Or, How Not To Get In a Fight. What is it about humans? We are so tempted to make a remark or answer a question that often leads us into a fight or stammering because the asker didn't like our answer. You don't have to answer just because you were asked something. Let's look at the top ten things people say that don't deserve and answer (or at least don't require an immediate response): 1. Why are you such a jerk? 2. You always say that!! 3. You never help with that... 4. Do I look fat? 5. I need you to make me follow my diet. 6. You make me so angry! 7. Who did you vote for? 8. Why can't you come to my party? 9. Let me tell you what I heard about them... 10. I need to talk right now . Furthermore, just because your phone dings doesn't mean you need to look to see who is calling or texting. Especially if you are sitting with another human being . Parents are terrible at this one. They constantly show their kids that the ding on...