Just Because They Said Something Doesn't Mean You Need To Answer



Or, How Not To Get In a Fight.

What is it about humans? We are so tempted to make a remark or answer a question that often leads us into a fight or stammering because the asker didn't like our answer.

You don't have to answer just because you were asked something. Let's look at the top ten things people say that don't deserve and answer (or at least don't require an immediate response):

1. Why are you such a jerk?

2. You always say that!!

3. You never help with that...

4. Do I look fat?

5. I need you to make me follow my diet.

6. You make me so angry!

7. Who did you vote for?

8. Why can't you come to my party?

9. Let me tell you what I heard about them...

10. I need to talk right now.

Furthermore, just because your phone dings doesn't mean you need to look to see who is calling or texting. Especially if you are sitting with another human being. Parents are terrible at this one. They constantly show their kids that the ding on their phone is worth the distraction. Sometimes they just peek. Other times they get lost in the thread and forget all about the kids.

If someone evil sends you a letter, it doesn't mean you need to open it or read it. Are you tracking with me? You get to choose which conversation you are going to have. And when. And where. Just because someone wants to fight with you in the middle of the grocery store doesn't mean you have to comply. Just because your teen wants to argue with you as you are dressing for a party doesn't mean you have to participate then. You can reschedule.

Too many people go with the flow and get sucked into drama they don't even need. Don't answer the insults. Don't answer the taunts or impertinent questions. I don't even answer the "How are you" questions because I know that's not what people mean. They really mean "hi" so I just say "hi" back. They don't want to know you have a toothache. It's just some odd social norm for saying "hi". And if you really don't want to go somewhere - or you want to leave somewhere - it's no one's business why unless there is an emergency and everyone should evacuate. You don't have to answer that question or even slow your steps. Just smile.

If you have intrusive people who expect you to listen to hours of their pain on the phone, don't answer the phone. Or, as soon as the whining starts say you have to run, blow kisses and hang up. If they keep expecting (demanding?) you to "listen", simply tell them you are not available in that way and they should seek a professional. Be polite, but don't engage. Especially if it's a needy relative who might tell you that you just don't care. "I care, but I have to go now."

Taking strong action is nothing to feel guilty about. Think about it. You feel guilty because you didn't let someone else walk all over you? Oh, they're mad at you now? So? If that's all it takes for someone to get angry, that's their issue, not yours. No one can "make" another person angry. And as for guilty? That's if you've done something wrong. Not getting walked on isn't even close. And don't forget that big smile as you stand up for yourself.


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