CONFESSIONS OF A STARBUCKS PASTOR

A therapist once shared with me the formula for a healthy emotional life. A + B = C A is the thing that is happening. B is how I perceive it. C is my response. A cannot be changed. But my C has many options depending on my B . The less value I attach to any B , the calmer I remain and the more focused I can be on the task at hand. If I perceive a B as an affront to me, I will respond subjectively with limited scope. If I perceive a B as horrific, my C may be to freeze in my tracks when I really need to be dialing 9-1-1. The more objective I can be about a B , the healthier my response. I like to tell clients to climb up on an imaginary step ladder and get an overview of the situation from a higher perspective. Get out of the weeds at eye level. What is going on? The less we personalize a B , the less emotional or let down we become. Oh sure, you say. You have no idea what I am going through! You're right. No one but you truly knows that. Because every one ...

Or, How Not To Get In a Fight. What is it about humans? We are so tempted to make a remark or answer a question that often leads us into a fight or stammering because the asker didn't like our answer. You don't have to answer just because you were asked something. Let's look at the top ten things people say that don't deserve and answer (or at least don't require an immediate response): 1. Why are you such a jerk? 2. You always say that!! 3. You never help with that... 4. Do I look fat? 5. I need you to make me follow my diet. 6. You make me so angry! 7. Who did you vote for? 8. Why can't you come to my party? 9. Let me tell you what I heard about them... 10. I need to talk right now . Furthermore, just because your phone dings doesn't mean you need to look to see who is calling or texting. Especially if you are sitting with another human being . Parents are terrible at this one. They constantly show their kids that the ding on...

Me: Sitting quietly, typing away working on a paper. Two women sit down next to me and chat away. Suddenly it is time to call Grant on one of their cell phones. Lady 1: Grant? Grant? Is that you? How are you? I said how are you? Can you hear? Hear Me? Grant? Are you there? Talking over you? What do you mean talking over you? Are you there? Grant? Grant? Oh. Oh! That's better can you hear me now? I couldn't really hear you before. How are you? What are you doing today? Are you going to scrimmage today? You're not going to scrimmage today? There's no practice today? Oh. I'm at Starbucks with Sally. (Hands phone to Sally urging her to say hi.) Lady 2: Hi Grant! What are you up to today? Oh. You're not going to practice? Oh. I am sitting with Sharon. Anything new? Nothing new, huh. Oh. I never learned to skate. That sounds like fun. It's cold, huh? Yeah.What else is going on? Nothing much after we are here. I'm going home. Oh....

While waiting to pay for my Starbucks decaf mocha today, I picked up a Cranberry Bliss Bar from the impulse station near the register. The expiration date said July, 2017. I set the product down and muttered to myself, "I always like to eat things with a seven-month shelf life". Other people who come into coffee shops see glass cases full of tempting goodies to eat. They will stop, oooooh and ah. Not me. I see production-line-preservative-filled crap that is stored in a freezer before it gets into that case. If I am going to eat a sugar goodie, it must be fresh. And I can tell. My food snobbery now includes bread. Forget the loaves on the bread aisle and gimme the ones near the bakery. I can even taste how many days old a birthday cake is. My family will eat off one for days. Not me. Two days max. Fresh. It must be fresh. Because of my schedule, I need to pack a lunch several days each week. I've gone down the freezer aisle multiple times hoping against hope that...

The media has earnestly lit up every orifice the past few days serving us a buffet of salacious quotes Presidential Candidate Donald Trump used over ten years ago.  Each day, we are offered another load of his vulgarity. Citizens on both sides of the aisle are crying out for Mr. Trump to quit the race, or proclaiming their change of minds in supporting him. Pundits are shaking their heads and wagging their tongues. So many opinions erupting - so little time with just the one mind each of us has in which to process this bombardment. Thanks to the public's right to know, the media has generously posted the clips and articles for our perusal. Things that were said once at one point in time can now be looped. We can all be insulted over and over by a foolish man who - did I say this already? - said something once?  Now, many more people can learn how to vulgarly disparage women. Innocent kids are sure to bump into an online finger-pointing article. Technological advances c...

Twenty-one years ago I was accepted into a grad program for a degree in counseling. Shortly after that, we found out our long-awaited dream of having a baby had been answered. My OB recommended that since I was young enough to wait on school, I focus on and enjoy my pregnancy.  Without blinking, I agreed. Not only did I enjoy that, I have adored the past twenty years as a mom to that son and his big sister. Suddenly, for the first time in my life I find myself free from other obligations and former roles. After all these years of putting family first, it's my turn! I am so excited I dance and clap around the house often. Sometimes I just burst out in applause out of giddiness. One of my dearest friends told me the other day she had never seen me so happy or energized. I've taken my dream off the back burner and am enjoying every moment as I see it unfolding each day. Pinch me. The sun seems to shine brighter, coffee is tastier and my garden is full. Every one in my immediat...

Ever say something like that? Someone commits a rude act and you indignantly report it to a friend - finishing with the phrase "Can you believe they did that???!!!" It might have been that rude driver in the pick up truck, or the cashier at Target. Or your co-worker. Whatever the case, the thing they did or said was outrageous and you were undeserving of such acts. It also might be the bulk of society looking the other way at something so obvious to you. Perhaps it is the re-election of some party official who was so brash about not keeping their campaign promises in the first place? We can break it down into two categories of wonder: personal and public. How, just how can there be any thinking that would produce these outcomes that are so deletorius? For years I used to wonder, and then I just accepted that there are people out there who are just plain rude and now I rarely react. They have to be pretty nasty for me to pipe up. Same goes with the head-scratching Nation...