Wondering if You Are A Good Friend?
When I was in 7th grade, James Taylor's "You've Got a Friend" was a hit. That was the second album I bought with my early teen money and listened to it over and over. James' "friend" in the ballad was gonna be there always to brighten up even my darkest day. I memorized every lyric and when the song comes on the radio today, I surprise myself by singing right along.
With all the social media labels, doesn't everyone have "friends"? And more than plenty of them?
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
But what about people in your everyday life? Maybe they don't live in your zip code but they can be trusted and valued. They are there for you but won't stand by and watch you flush yourself down the toilet without speaking up. They cheer you on and if they do happen to live nearby, make the investment to spend some face-to-face time more than once a year.
Anyone less invested is not a "good friend", they are just an acquaintance. There is nothing wrong with an aquaintance, but they cannot be part of your inner circle if they don't reach out or reach back.
If you find yourself on the non-receiving end of friend reciprocity, please do not bother to feel sad. Those people are simply revealing how far they will go to be in your life or support you. Consider being edited out or not enveloped as a blessing. And please do not continue to chase down someone who has demonstrated disinterest, disrespect or lack of availability. Their truth has been revealed. One or two emails at most asking if they are okay (or even if you need to apologize for something you aren't aware of) is it. After that, move on.
I would much rather be on the hurt end of a "friendship" that I can work through than be the cause of pain in another person's life. That is also what I taught my kids: Don't be the harmer - ever. Rather be the one who has to muddle through and move on.
Social media labels truly confuse reality.
No one can possibly have 868 real friends. Real friends are precious and few and must be treasured. Social media friends are merely connections to the ant-farm-maze of getting lost online for hours when you could be talking to a real person in real life. I am not against the social media friends, but I prefer to call them followers.
And I do follow some public people but realize our "friendship" is merely an ad. When my daughter was in college and I told her who my social media friends were, she earnestly told me "Mom, they aren't your real friends. You know that, right?!! They probably don't even do their own posts." Bless her, I knew that but still chose to follow them because of what they did or said in real life. (Love you #JimBelushi)
The other friend category I want to address is the work/neighbor/church-friend one. Having been on staff at churches and attended even more, I can attest to being embraced at some level and having the opportunity to legitmately invite dozens of ladies to a well-attended Pampered Chef party. And there were plenty of people I could ask to pray for something. It disturbs and hurts me that once I am not at their church, I become invisible. I think Heaven is bigger than one church and that if people really know the true meaning of loving and friending, they will not draw the line at their inner circle just because someone is not at their church, neighborhood or company.
Bottom line, just like everything in life I don't think we should be subjective in our thoughts and actions but OBJECTIVE. It is the subjectivenes that squelches. Your daughter doesn't like mine so forget you. You homeschool and I don't so forget you. You changed churches. You moved. You won't do everything with me. You work and I think that's wrong. I don't like the way you parent. You got something I wish I had. You are divorced. Your teen got pregnant. You think my kid is mean.
You get the idea, we've all made decisions based upon this thought process.
All I am saying is that please don't be trivial or judgemental. And have the guts to stand up when you have made a mistake. Above all, hold your perceived value in other's lives loosely. Enjoy the ride and make sure to the best of your ability you do not knowlingly cause harm to another human. Love on your true friends and bask in the fact you have them. What a blessing! That small humber of true friends you have in real life trumps all of the ones you have in cyberspace.
With all the social media labels, doesn't everyone have "friends"? And more than plenty of them?
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
But what about people in your everyday life? Maybe they don't live in your zip code but they can be trusted and valued. They are there for you but won't stand by and watch you flush yourself down the toilet without speaking up. They cheer you on and if they do happen to live nearby, make the investment to spend some face-to-face time more than once a year.
Anyone less invested is not a "good friend", they are just an acquaintance. There is nothing wrong with an aquaintance, but they cannot be part of your inner circle if they don't reach out or reach back.
If you find yourself on the non-receiving end of friend reciprocity, please do not bother to feel sad. Those people are simply revealing how far they will go to be in your life or support you. Consider being edited out or not enveloped as a blessing. And please do not continue to chase down someone who has demonstrated disinterest, disrespect or lack of availability. Their truth has been revealed. One or two emails at most asking if they are okay (or even if you need to apologize for something you aren't aware of) is it. After that, move on.
I would much rather be on the hurt end of a "friendship" that I can work through than be the cause of pain in another person's life. That is also what I taught my kids: Don't be the harmer - ever. Rather be the one who has to muddle through and move on.
Social media labels truly confuse reality.
No one can possibly have 868 real friends. Real friends are precious and few and must be treasured. Social media friends are merely connections to the ant-farm-maze of getting lost online for hours when you could be talking to a real person in real life. I am not against the social media friends, but I prefer to call them followers.
And I do follow some public people but realize our "friendship" is merely an ad. When my daughter was in college and I told her who my social media friends were, she earnestly told me "Mom, they aren't your real friends. You know that, right?!! They probably don't even do their own posts." Bless her, I knew that but still chose to follow them because of what they did or said in real life. (Love you #JimBelushi)
The other friend category I want to address is the work/neighbor/church-friend one. Having been on staff at churches and attended even more, I can attest to being embraced at some level and having the opportunity to legitmately invite dozens of ladies to a well-attended Pampered Chef party. And there were plenty of people I could ask to pray for something. It disturbs and hurts me that once I am not at their church, I become invisible. I think Heaven is bigger than one church and that if people really know the true meaning of loving and friending, they will not draw the line at their inner circle just because someone is not at their church, neighborhood or company.
Bottom line, just like everything in life I don't think we should be subjective in our thoughts and actions but OBJECTIVE. It is the subjectivenes that squelches. Your daughter doesn't like mine so forget you. You homeschool and I don't so forget you. You changed churches. You moved. You won't do everything with me. You work and I think that's wrong. I don't like the way you parent. You got something I wish I had. You are divorced. Your teen got pregnant. You think my kid is mean.
You get the idea, we've all made decisions based upon this thought process.
All I am saying is that please don't be trivial or judgemental. And have the guts to stand up when you have made a mistake. Above all, hold your perceived value in other's lives loosely. Enjoy the ride and make sure to the best of your ability you do not knowlingly cause harm to another human. Love on your true friends and bask in the fact you have them. What a blessing! That small humber of true friends you have in real life trumps all of the ones you have in cyberspace.
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