How Social Services Hurts Families
In my current role as an in-home mental health practitioner to individuals and families, I see a variety of households in as many conditions and situations. Insurance pays for my services, otherwise most of the clients would not be able to afford much-needed help.
Various government programs provide further assistance for basic needs like rent, utilities, personal care and more. A free shuttle service is available for transportation to and from medical appointments. Of course there are also several routes to take that put food on the table. In short, there are so many options available that if someone is willing to do the work to move ahead, support is in place and ready to act. An average person "in the system" has at least five different individuals providing support services.
This is how over 49% of Americans are able to get by. Those numbers have gone up the past few years, and the length of time someone can receive these services has also been extended. No one is getting rich by pariticipating in the buffet of social services. They still live counting the days til the next dispersement, they still run out of milk and shop at food shelves. Well-meaning churches and agencies often adopt a struggling family for Christmas and generously bestow not only bags of groceries but gifts for everyone staying in the household.
And that's what I want to talk about today. In the hurry to show these families a merry Christmas indeed, sometimes things go overboard. And this is because there is no coordination of services. Each is an entity unto itself. My position is to work with the client in each area of service, so I have a unique window into what's going on.
Just before last Christmas, I was with a client who was picking up a flatbed piled with gifts for every person in her home, regardless of whether they were related. A flatbed of gifts. That got me thinking. Other families not receiving assistance struggle to provide gifts and are forced to make choices according to their income limitations. These families have no such baseline. Families hit by the recession either cut back or go further into debt for their Christmases. The ones receiving the mountains of generosities merely have to figure out how to get that stuff home.
What is this teaching their children? A pile of gifts arrives and they get to wade through a mountain of wrapping paper. They have just been encouraged to want more stuff. In their experience, stuff is always available, regardless of circumstances. The number of gifts per person can outnumber those I give my family, and I am not on assistance.
The commercials telling us what we want are directed at the have-nots. The cycle is perpetuated by a huge segment of the populaton that can't afford the basics in life, much less the extras. When a flatbed of gifts is provided, the message communicated is that gift-life goes on. When real life does not reflect reality, how will the children understand frugality? If they keep getting trash bags full of clothes and toys by the pile it is hard to learn what it takes to earn something. Or, that the abundance is out of scale related to their life circumstance. And finally, it diminishes the opportunity to learn gratitude. Too many things to count, too many parts to lose.
If piles of things keep being given to these families, the real victims are the children who do not learn to wait, save or work for things. That turns into expectation of goods at any time and lack of appreciation when they arrive because now they know more will always come even if they ran out of milk this month.
Rather than teach my family that Christmas is about plenty, we decided long ago to teach more about giving than getting. I pulled the kids out of all the gift exchanges, much to the chagrin of extended family. While I grew up comparing the number of gifts received with the other kids at the bus stop, that "tradition" stopped with my kids. It saddens me that so many children in needy circumstances do not have the opportunity to view material possessions in any other manner except as their expected load's arrival. To them, this is as "normal" as running out of food for a couple of days each month while mom waits for the new EBT card balance.
I fault the social service community for not stepping up and doing some more teaching in this area. Until each provider in the social service spectrum becomes aware of the need to go countercultural on the North American advertising message, we get to see another generation of misplaced value and further loss of common courtesy - much less common sense. And funded by the ever-shrinking middle class.
Various government programs provide further assistance for basic needs like rent, utilities, personal care and more. A free shuttle service is available for transportation to and from medical appointments. Of course there are also several routes to take that put food on the table. In short, there are so many options available that if someone is willing to do the work to move ahead, support is in place and ready to act. An average person "in the system" has at least five different individuals providing support services.
This is how over 49% of Americans are able to get by. Those numbers have gone up the past few years, and the length of time someone can receive these services has also been extended. No one is getting rich by pariticipating in the buffet of social services. They still live counting the days til the next dispersement, they still run out of milk and shop at food shelves. Well-meaning churches and agencies often adopt a struggling family for Christmas and generously bestow not only bags of groceries but gifts for everyone staying in the household.
And that's what I want to talk about today. In the hurry to show these families a merry Christmas indeed, sometimes things go overboard. And this is because there is no coordination of services. Each is an entity unto itself. My position is to work with the client in each area of service, so I have a unique window into what's going on.
Just before last Christmas, I was with a client who was picking up a flatbed piled with gifts for every person in her home, regardless of whether they were related. A flatbed of gifts. That got me thinking. Other families not receiving assistance struggle to provide gifts and are forced to make choices according to their income limitations. These families have no such baseline. Families hit by the recession either cut back or go further into debt for their Christmases. The ones receiving the mountains of generosities merely have to figure out how to get that stuff home.
What is this teaching their children? A pile of gifts arrives and they get to wade through a mountain of wrapping paper. They have just been encouraged to want more stuff. In their experience, stuff is always available, regardless of circumstances. The number of gifts per person can outnumber those I give my family, and I am not on assistance.
The commercials telling us what we want are directed at the have-nots. The cycle is perpetuated by a huge segment of the populaton that can't afford the basics in life, much less the extras. When a flatbed of gifts is provided, the message communicated is that gift-life goes on. When real life does not reflect reality, how will the children understand frugality? If they keep getting trash bags full of clothes and toys by the pile it is hard to learn what it takes to earn something. Or, that the abundance is out of scale related to their life circumstance. And finally, it diminishes the opportunity to learn gratitude. Too many things to count, too many parts to lose.
If piles of things keep being given to these families, the real victims are the children who do not learn to wait, save or work for things. That turns into expectation of goods at any time and lack of appreciation when they arrive because now they know more will always come even if they ran out of milk this month.
Rather than teach my family that Christmas is about plenty, we decided long ago to teach more about giving than getting. I pulled the kids out of all the gift exchanges, much to the chagrin of extended family. While I grew up comparing the number of gifts received with the other kids at the bus stop, that "tradition" stopped with my kids. It saddens me that so many children in needy circumstances do not have the opportunity to view material possessions in any other manner except as their expected load's arrival. To them, this is as "normal" as running out of food for a couple of days each month while mom waits for the new EBT card balance.
I fault the social service community for not stepping up and doing some more teaching in this area. Until each provider in the social service spectrum becomes aware of the need to go countercultural on the North American advertising message, we get to see another generation of misplaced value and further loss of common courtesy - much less common sense. And funded by the ever-shrinking middle class.
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