It Didn't Work When I Prayed
This is probably one of the most frequent comments I hear from people who are struggling. Their lives are upside down, they are overwhelmed and in frantic need of peace - so they try praying. They are glum as they tell me "it didn't work."
When people are in this state, they have already done the anxious math and are so wound up in all the "I can't" and "What if" spiraling thoughts that they don't have the space in their overwrought minds to hear. When they are calmer and can focus, I can share how prayer really does "work."
First of all, prayer is not a last resort. It is not something you do when you think you have tried everything else. In America today, it is media-acceptable to talk about that kind of prayer as much as you want. Cuz that is the "prayer" that is mumbled or recited dutifully and ritualistically. Everyone can put up with that prayer, even on TV. I grew up with those prayers at every meal and at bedtime. The mealtime prayer was chanted in distorted second generation Norwegian and we didn't even know what it meat. In college I brought some Norwegian exchange students home for dinner. They laughed and told us how wrong we were pronouncing each word. Real prayer is intimate.
Prayer is also not a wish list. Ever heard a kid ask for a puppy or candy? Or Christmas presents everyday or for school to be closed? When I was a kid, I earnestly prayed to be able to fly one day. After all, I was asking God so shouldn't he listen? Sadly, I didn't get to fly home. I had to wait for my parents to finish their dinner at the restaurant even though I was already done. God is not Santa and does not need to be treated as if he is merely magical. Real prayer comes from the heart and is realistic.
A long time ago I heard a song with the lyrics "God loves a broken heart". I remember thinking that I didn't have a broken heart at the time, and mentioned this to a friend. No, she said. It wasn't that kind of broken heart. The broken heart in the song meant a heart that was open to God. A heart that was teachable and ready to listen. A heart that was ready to focus beyond themselves. You are so broken, you are ready to listen. Real prayer is raw and goes two ways.
Prayer is more about thanking and honoring than asking. That's the biggest misunderstanding about prayer - not understanding what it comprises. Prayer is communion with God - not at him. That means we praise who he is and thank him for what he has done - what he has given us before we dare mention what we need. We don't come before God in a prayer conversation. God is God. He is first. So we first tell him how much we honor him as Creator and Forgiver and Author. We thank him for things he has provided. Like air. Skin. Water. Family. A bed. One time I made a list of all the things I could be thankful for and the list got so long, I never did get to the "asking". Real prayer puts God first.
Prayer is also about asking God for help but before that, we also need to clean up. We need to "confess" areas where we have blown it. We tell God what he already knows and agree with him where we were wrong. Picture plunging something down a clogged drain to allow the water to flow again. Unconfessed stuff blocks us from clear communication with God. If all we do is ask and tell, we miss the benefit of self-awareness and God's desire for a relationship where we are open and honest. Denying our mess-ups is silly. If the Creator of the Universe already knows (and he does) why not admit it and let it go? There is nothing more freeing than getting forgiven. Sometimes, we might even need to go to someone and ask them to forgive us too. Real prayer admits when we are wrong.
By the time you have praised God, thanked him and admitted mistakes, your list of personal "asks" may pale in comparison. Go ahead and ask for what comes to mind. God always wants your best. He isn't going to help you roll better dice combos at the casino or get a deal on pot. He wants your ethical best. It is okay to ask God to help you in your everyday life needs. He wants you to want to trust him. I have even prayed for new underwear and a coat because of the need. And sometimes, when it's an emergency, it is definitely okay to just scream "Help!", especially if you are about to get in a car accident. Real prayer depends upon God for every detail.
Finally, don't forget about others who need your prayers. Pray for your mayor, school principal, boss, neighbors, pastor, family... the person in the car ahead of you, servicemen/women, etc. That list is so long it could keep you up all night! I have divided it up throughout the week, but pray for my loved ones daily. Once in awhile, you may even find out how your prayers helped someone else. But that isn't the point. Just know you are part of something bigger than yourself. Real prayer includes others and does not expect to find out how it went.
After all of this, it is impossible to say prayer doesn't work. You have honored, admitted, thanked and transferred the burden to the One who really knows the complete picture. Rest with that one, it's off your back.
And that is how prayer really does work.
When people are in this state, they have already done the anxious math and are so wound up in all the "I can't" and "What if" spiraling thoughts that they don't have the space in their overwrought minds to hear. When they are calmer and can focus, I can share how prayer really does "work."
First of all, prayer is not a last resort. It is not something you do when you think you have tried everything else. In America today, it is media-acceptable to talk about that kind of prayer as much as you want. Cuz that is the "prayer" that is mumbled or recited dutifully and ritualistically. Everyone can put up with that prayer, even on TV. I grew up with those prayers at every meal and at bedtime. The mealtime prayer was chanted in distorted second generation Norwegian and we didn't even know what it meat. In college I brought some Norwegian exchange students home for dinner. They laughed and told us how wrong we were pronouncing each word. Real prayer is intimate.
Prayer is also not a wish list. Ever heard a kid ask for a puppy or candy? Or Christmas presents everyday or for school to be closed? When I was a kid, I earnestly prayed to be able to fly one day. After all, I was asking God so shouldn't he listen? Sadly, I didn't get to fly home. I had to wait for my parents to finish their dinner at the restaurant even though I was already done. God is not Santa and does not need to be treated as if he is merely magical. Real prayer comes from the heart and is realistic.
A long time ago I heard a song with the lyrics "God loves a broken heart". I remember thinking that I didn't have a broken heart at the time, and mentioned this to a friend. No, she said. It wasn't that kind of broken heart. The broken heart in the song meant a heart that was open to God. A heart that was teachable and ready to listen. A heart that was ready to focus beyond themselves. You are so broken, you are ready to listen. Real prayer is raw and goes two ways.
Prayer is more about thanking and honoring than asking. That's the biggest misunderstanding about prayer - not understanding what it comprises. Prayer is communion with God - not at him. That means we praise who he is and thank him for what he has done - what he has given us before we dare mention what we need. We don't come before God in a prayer conversation. God is God. He is first. So we first tell him how much we honor him as Creator and Forgiver and Author. We thank him for things he has provided. Like air. Skin. Water. Family. A bed. One time I made a list of all the things I could be thankful for and the list got so long, I never did get to the "asking". Real prayer puts God first.
Prayer is also about asking God for help but before that, we also need to clean up. We need to "confess" areas where we have blown it. We tell God what he already knows and agree with him where we were wrong. Picture plunging something down a clogged drain to allow the water to flow again. Unconfessed stuff blocks us from clear communication with God. If all we do is ask and tell, we miss the benefit of self-awareness and God's desire for a relationship where we are open and honest. Denying our mess-ups is silly. If the Creator of the Universe already knows (and he does) why not admit it and let it go? There is nothing more freeing than getting forgiven. Sometimes, we might even need to go to someone and ask them to forgive us too. Real prayer admits when we are wrong.
By the time you have praised God, thanked him and admitted mistakes, your list of personal "asks" may pale in comparison. Go ahead and ask for what comes to mind. God always wants your best. He isn't going to help you roll better dice combos at the casino or get a deal on pot. He wants your ethical best. It is okay to ask God to help you in your everyday life needs. He wants you to want to trust him. I have even prayed for new underwear and a coat because of the need. And sometimes, when it's an emergency, it is definitely okay to just scream "Help!", especially if you are about to get in a car accident. Real prayer depends upon God for every detail.
Finally, don't forget about others who need your prayers. Pray for your mayor, school principal, boss, neighbors, pastor, family... the person in the car ahead of you, servicemen/women, etc. That list is so long it could keep you up all night! I have divided it up throughout the week, but pray for my loved ones daily. Once in awhile, you may even find out how your prayers helped someone else. But that isn't the point. Just know you are part of something bigger than yourself. Real prayer includes others and does not expect to find out how it went.
After all of this, it is impossible to say prayer doesn't work. You have honored, admitted, thanked and transferred the burden to the One who really knows the complete picture. Rest with that one, it's off your back.
And that is how prayer really does work.
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