Dirty, Smelly and Rude
Recently I got smacked in the face. Not literally though.
I had come across a severely needy someone reeking of cigarettes so much that you smelled them on me the rest of the day even though she didn't even smoke in my presence. Although I once smoked, no longer can I stomach the smell anywhere near me. It curdles my stomach and I fight nausea. I avoid hotels and cafes allowing it. Yet here I was, trying to listen to this person while resisting the urge not to pinch my nose at the same time and feeling smoke molecules float across the room and attach to every fiber of my clothes.
On top of the stench, each area of the apartment was littered and unkempt. Overflowing clusters of ash trays, plates caked with dried bits of food and soda cans covered every sticky surface. Worse yet, most of what I tried to say to encourage this person was dumped on by their negative and downright rude behavior. I kept trying to make at least one encouraging point, but they were not going to have any of it. Wallowing was their m.o.
I left disgusted, nauseous and ready to give up. How could I continue to meet with someone who literally made me sick? Who lived such a messy life and appeared to cater if not actually delight in the worst scenarios? I wanted to meet with people who wanted to get better and didn't force me to the dry cleaners and another shower.
That's when I got my God-smack. It was as if he said, "So. They stink. They're dirty. They're rude. And your point is??" I had no answer for him. My petulant reactions suddenly seemed ridiculous - no,pathetically selfish - bathed in this light.
What was I doing running this needy person through my filter??
Ack.
Huge mistake.
Yes, they stink and it's dirty there and for sure they are rude. They've driven friends and family away with the games they play with their life. All the things they need to do to move forward they avoid. Everyone else in my position has given up and walked away in disgust. All the while this person creates and/or encounters increasingly negative life circumstances and continues to remain in orbit rather than land.
Rather than walk away, I am accepting the reality that they do not know how to be anything other that this. I am going to offer them my best - a carefully outlined plan with specific goals. If they refuse to listen after that, I can rest knowing I did my best to stop them from falling through the cracks any further. I can't do "tough love" without first giving them a map.
I will encounter some collateral stink in the meantime, but doesn't God do that all the time with me?
I had come across a severely needy someone reeking of cigarettes so much that you smelled them on me the rest of the day even though she didn't even smoke in my presence. Although I once smoked, no longer can I stomach the smell anywhere near me. It curdles my stomach and I fight nausea. I avoid hotels and cafes allowing it. Yet here I was, trying to listen to this person while resisting the urge not to pinch my nose at the same time and feeling smoke molecules float across the room and attach to every fiber of my clothes.
On top of the stench, each area of the apartment was littered and unkempt. Overflowing clusters of ash trays, plates caked with dried bits of food and soda cans covered every sticky surface. Worse yet, most of what I tried to say to encourage this person was dumped on by their negative and downright rude behavior. I kept trying to make at least one encouraging point, but they were not going to have any of it. Wallowing was their m.o.
I left disgusted, nauseous and ready to give up. How could I continue to meet with someone who literally made me sick? Who lived such a messy life and appeared to cater if not actually delight in the worst scenarios? I wanted to meet with people who wanted to get better and didn't force me to the dry cleaners and another shower.
That's when I got my God-smack. It was as if he said, "So. They stink. They're dirty. They're rude. And your point is??" I had no answer for him. My petulant reactions suddenly seemed ridiculous - no,pathetically selfish - bathed in this light.
What was I doing running this needy person through my filter??
Ack.
Huge mistake.
Yes, they stink and it's dirty there and for sure they are rude. They've driven friends and family away with the games they play with their life. All the things they need to do to move forward they avoid. Everyone else in my position has given up and walked away in disgust. All the while this person creates and/or encounters increasingly negative life circumstances and continues to remain in orbit rather than land.
Rather than walk away, I am accepting the reality that they do not know how to be anything other that this. I am going to offer them my best - a carefully outlined plan with specific goals. If they refuse to listen after that, I can rest knowing I did my best to stop them from falling through the cracks any further. I can't do "tough love" without first giving them a map.
I will encounter some collateral stink in the meantime, but doesn't God do that all the time with me?
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