Behind Closed Doors

We've all heard the saying about not knowing what goes on in other people's homes. For some, we are the story no one sees.

Yesterday I was flipping TV channels and stopped on the cable channel ID. A show was profiling true crime stories. I watch those once in awhile and began listening as I crocheted. First I heard the name of the town I had lived in 10 years ago. Interesting. Then I heard the last name of some former neighbors. Coincidence. When I heard their first names I looked up. What? Staring back at me was an old family photo of our neighbors and former small group members with the children my daughter once babysat.

We lived a bike ride away on the other side of the hill from their palatial home and watched the elaborate gardens, pool and landscaping be installed over a summer. They were the glamorous family most people in our church fawned over - always looking like they stepped out of a magazine and doing something exciting that cost more money than we certainly had. Their back yard cost more than our entire home. We had attended events and parties together and I was always intrigued by their large lifestyle.

As the show unfolded we learned the awful truth. Unknown to any of us was that behind their 12 foot custom doors was domestic abuse so regular and harmful it was classified as torture. The husband is now serving a life sentence and has exhausted all appeals. Game over for him even though from his prison cell he calls his wife and kids liars. When we knew them, the wife was guarded and private. She finally got the the courage to go public with her horror and continues to use her voice advocating for families today.

Wow. Once quiet and literally beaten down, she found her voice and saved her children. The show revealed that the emotional and verbal abuse coupled with her daily torture caused her to doubt her sanity. No wonder she was quiet and poised when we saw her. If only she could have opened up to someone, the nightmare could have ended sooner. But I understand how she couldn't share for so long. It was only after her husband forced her to lie to the police that everything was exposed. The police didn't believe her lie and conducted the investigation that saved their lives.

It is mind-blowing to think that someone we knew was doing such awful things to his family at the same time he was going to church and Bible study. At least his family is free now. I pray he will become free from his denial one day by owning up to the truth. You just never know, do you?

This story illustrates that it is never good to pretend or listen to the fear if you find yourself in an abusive situation. Dare to reach out the first time something happens. Enduring the pain does not exempt the rest of the family, it just prolongs the healing starting point and keeps you in danger.

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