CONFESSIONS OF A STARBUCKS PASTOR

A therapist once shared with me the formula for a healthy emotional life. A + B = C A is the thing that is happening. B is how I perceive it. C is my response. A cannot be changed. But my C has many options depending on my B . The less value I attach to any B , the calmer I remain and the more focused I can be on the task at hand. If I perceive a B as an affront to me, I will respond subjectively with limited scope. If I perceive a B as horrific, my C may be to freeze in my tracks when I really need to be dialing 9-1-1. The more objective I can be about a B , the healthier my response. I like to tell clients to climb up on an imaginary step ladder and get an overview of the situation from a higher perspective. Get out of the weeds at eye level. What is going on? The less we personalize a B , the less emotional or let down we become. Oh sure, you say. You have no idea what I am going through! You're right. No one but you truly knows that. Because every one ...

While the world is searching for life's answers on Instagram, in books and videos I have discovered it and it doesn't cost a membership nor do you have to click continue in order to find out. Putting your faith in a separate category (because I believe we humans were created to have a relationship with God) and considering that as foundational, the secret to operating in life successfully as a sane, healthy person is called OBJECTIVITY. That's it. One word, one simple thought. But as we talk, we'll all agree it is more difficult that it sounds. Through multiple cross-country moves and careers I have met thousands of people of all sizes, shapes, colors and ages. My data isn't sophisticated but my observations are solid. Whenever someone is having a bad life, a bad day or is stuck the answer is one of two things. Either they are a child and can only see things as how they impact them, or they are an adult who has not learned how to see things beyond the way they i...