CONFESSIONS OF A STARBUCKS PASTOR

A therapist once shared with me the formula for a healthy emotional life. A + B = C A is the thing that is happening. B is how I perceive it. C is my response. A cannot be changed. But my C has many options depending on my B . The less value I attach to any B , the calmer I remain and the more focused I can be on the task at hand. If I perceive a B as an affront to me, I will respond subjectively with limited scope. If I perceive a B as horrific, my C may be to freeze in my tracks when I really need to be dialing 9-1-1. The more objective I can be about a B , the healthier my response. I like to tell clients to climb up on an imaginary step ladder and get an overview of the situation from a higher perspective. Get out of the weeds at eye level. What is going on? The less we personalize a B , the less emotional or let down we become. Oh sure, you say. You have no idea what I am going through! You're right. No one but you truly knows that. Because every one ...

Or, How Not To Get In a Fight. What is it about humans? We are so tempted to make a remark or answer a question that often leads us into a fight or stammering because the asker didn't like our answer. You don't have to answer just because you were asked something. Let's look at the top ten things people say that don't deserve and answer (or at least don't require an immediate response): 1. Why are you such a jerk? 2. You always say that!! 3. You never help with that... 4. Do I look fat? 5. I need you to make me follow my diet. 6. You make me so angry! 7. Who did you vote for? 8. Why can't you come to my party? 9. Let me tell you what I heard about them... 10. I need to talk right now . Furthermore, just because your phone dings doesn't mean you need to look to see who is calling or texting. Especially if you are sitting with another human being . Parents are terrible at this one. They constantly show their kids that the ding on...